trying not to think of you
is like trying not to think of a tiger
seeing an image of you is like bathing in fire and ice altogether
life continues to emerge day after day
like a persistent wildflower
neither beautiful nor ugly but in the eye of the beholder
drenched in futile plans and dreams
lost chances that were not really chances
lost hopes that evaporate into silence
trying not to love you is like trying not to love the ocean
empty hours filled with waves of longing
work is done or not done and nothing changes
moments of joy punctured by the memory of loss
trying not to miss you is like trying not to miss what is missing
drawing a neat fabric over the cracks left by your absence
doing a fine job of it whatever it is
and sometimes breaking into wet folds like a deep egg
coming together again for the sake of continuity
let me explain
i’m a warrior
bleeding in all the right places
heart, womb, mouth
heavy and light
i like the warm days
and the cool nights
sweat on your back like daisies
smile of a dragon
don’t believe in nothing
for a reason
but i’m a warrior
still and moving
forward and back
hot train on a spiral track
can’t be found underground
open and wide
free as a moon
balancing on the dark tide
i’m a warrior
woman all over
brighter than pools
of rock faced sea
just being what it fits me to be
This is my favourite part, every year!
There is a limit of 42 characters.
Describe the indefensibly chaotic way you have chosen to just about survive in this world, in 42 characters…
“Pain causes art which sometimes pays bills”
“Waiting tables while dreaming of big break”
“Watching all my illusions slowly crumble”
It’s a fun game! HMRC is helping me to lighten up and enjoy life. At the same time sharpening my mental agility and integrating my heart and mind.
And not only that, it’s a profoundly spiritual exercise.
Enforced brevity is making me think long and hard about what it is I’m doing with my time.
This year I am going to come up with something really blinding and succinct that I can also use to describe myself to people at parties.
I find myself fantasising about a recognisable job title that does not provoke further questioning.
Ah the misty-eyed myth of the artist – so lucky to be doing what they love all day every day and making millions from it
Oh the dreamlife of waking at midday, lounging in cafés, sauntering round art galleries soaking up inspiration, occasionally injecting heroin into one’s eyeballs
HMRC tolerates no such frivolity!
Self-employment is a serious business. A sobering term that suggests responsibility, stability and independence.
Self-assessment is the annual retreat of the self-employed. A time for inner reflection. What’s working? What’s bringing me down? What’s totally bankrupting me?
Of course if one were to get into a true assessment of self, the ultimate end point would be utter dissolution into complete space and openness.
Only it’s hard to convey that to the tax authorities. In 42 characters. But I’m game for a try.
Describe your business:
Birth, something something something Death
Gaily wasting time in blizzard of eternity
Living, loving, learning, longing, losing.